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| Volume 12 Issue 3 Spring 2005 |
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The Emotional Antidote to Stress
by James Terrell
When we think about our safety and security, we seldom think about emotional awareness as a first line of defense, but immeasurably more people suffer life-threatening health problems every day from stress than are ever harmed by a terrorist. Would you have ever considered stress tolerance as an emotional competency? Well it is, right up there with others like empathy, self-regard, emotional self awareness, and assertiveness.
Those are some of the ones you might normally expect to find in the list of the skills that make us most effective in the workplace and in personal relationships. But here are some others that are equally important and less familiar: reality testing, problem solving, independence, and social responsibility. What's best of all, is that unlike an IQ score, all of your scores in these emotional abilities can be improved, and in fact they naturally grow stronger with age!
Stress (getting back to our topic for this issue) is composed of two components that we would do well to remain aware of. The second component is the physical pain -- headaches, indigestion, muscle cramps, etc. The reason they're listed as second is because the cause of these physical symptoms is initially (in nearly every case) a feeling of fear or anxiety or anger that went unaddressed for so long that the physical system which was trying to deal with it collapsed from exhaustion.
Granted, the world has become much more difficult to predict and control than it was ten, or even five years ago, but improving our emotional intelligence can help us deal with all of its complexities more effectively. As we strive diligently to steer our way through lives which are more crowded with other people who have other agendas, and seek to get through more traffic in less time, we end of holding our bodies more tightly as if that will make us safer and more efficient in the abrasive world "out there".
Our heads jut out as we scrutinize the monitor on our desktop or the traffic through the windshield, our hands grip the steering wheel or the mouse, our back and neck strain -- against what? We're trying to avoid what we dread the most, that something will go wrong... we'll be late, make a mistake, embarrass ourselves, or our best efforts won't be enough. Now on top of that, throw in the fact that most of us need about two hours more sleep every night, and you've got a recipe for serious problems.
To the Rescue -- Emotional Self-Awareness!, one of the most fundamental of the 15 emotional competencies measured by the Bar On Emotional Quotient Inventory. Strength in this skill means that you are clearly aware of what you feel and why, how long you've been feeling that way and how intensely you feel it. But how can this knowledge help you reduce stress? The biggest benefit from increasing this awareness is that you begin to identify the fears, angers, and concerns that were previously consigned to your subconscious mind, where, instead of you being able to limit them, they are perfectly positioned to severely limit you!
What is a developmental strategy that can help you act more effectively and reduce your stress? Just fill in the blanks to this little equation: "I feel _________, because_________" , and write down your answers at least three times a day -- maybe when you first get to work, at the end of the day, and as soon as you get home. Soon you will begin to see some patterns emerging. Another of the really important things that will happen is you will begin to expand your vocabulary of feeling words. It's good to be able to say, "I feel upset because you're treating me badly." It's a much better, more accurate, and more useful thing to be able to say, "I feel betrayed because people are talking one way to my face and another way behind my back."
The next emotionally logical step would probably be to confront those people about their dishonest behavior, and even though that might require increasing your skills in assertiveness, that could really increase your strength in stress tolerance!
So try the "I feel___________, because___________", technique three times a day for three week's and notice how much your stress reduces. (Be sure to write down what you discover.) For even better results, you might also add one of the very most potent ingredients in every stress reduction plan -- More Exercise! Even though this is not in itself an emotional skill, applying the discipline to go to the gym most certainly is.
©2005, Collaborative Growth
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